My splitting headache that I have been trying to ignore all night is calming down to an alright stage.

I was reading this article that Mr. Hartzberg gave us in class about migraines and it says that many of them are cause by visual problems, depression, irritability, restlessness, nausia, or loss of appetite. Heh. I suppose that explains things eh.

Although, tonight was really awesome in a normal persons eyes. I got to hang out with Davie, Andy and My Andrew. How can you go wrong with that. That's right, you really can't. It's all in good fun.

Fun has seemed like it isn't possible anymore. My mind has blocked it out as if fun is some kind of cruel joke being played on my brain. So, when actual fun times come about something has to be wrong. Somewhere along the line my fun meter has been turned into an adult meter that is slowly but surely building.

There are things I take to seriously and things that I have to come up with the worst scenerio for. (spelling errors **sorry)

You know why I do this? I'm Andrea! That's why! YEP! The fun has been sucked out of me and im just evil little monster.

I have a boyfriend who thinks I am mad at him every 5 seconds a best friend who knows I am a bitch. Plus a bunch of other friends who feel no need to socialize with me anymore. Oh yes don't forget Jon, lord only knows why he's too good for me now.

This is the time of night when Andrea feels very stupid about what she has done within the past hours during the day she has been awake. She feels the need to shove nails through her eyelids and leave them there for hours. She feels the need to peel back every single one of her nails slowly, skin herself alive, have someone drench me in gasoline and light me on fire.

**hint to readers Self destructive mode in andrea: Turned **ON** **

What kind of person have I turned into? I don't know who I am anymore and I thought I once knew. I knew what I liked. I knew what would make me happy. I knew how to laugh, smile, all of that fun stuff. Now, it's like in Peter Pan when Wendy has to be an adult. BOOM! Here I am, still a child many of times but losing it because IM NOT ALOUD TO HAVE FUN! Does anyone understand this!? Not ONE person better tell me to just let myself have fun because....FUCK! Then, you are a lucky fucking son of a bitch cause obviously you still CAN have fun! OTHERWISE... you would KNOW what I am talking about.

I am done trying to explain this.

Let me stop thinking about this useless topic and go back to comming up with worst case scenerios to things. I seem to be good at that.

Song stuck in head/listening to: Nirvana "Rape me"