My life has been crazy lately. My parents decided to be bitches and every time I see my mom, I get this urge to fight so I just keep my distance. I spent the night at kassies on monday and yesterday I spent the night at Jons. I hate being at home and tonight I really dont think I was supposed to be.

Here, it seems like this big cloud of horrid gloom set in our house. My uncle makes me uncomfortable and I dont know why. He sticks his nose into others business and my grandma does as well. There are too many people living with me at the moment and it makes me stressed. I hate it.

Not only am I stressed about that but, I am stressed about other things. I mean, I think its sad that I have to find peoples houses to stay at. I felt bad for staying at Jons last night... I felt really bad. I know I am not supposed to feel bad because he offered and I dont think he really cared that much but, still... and when I stay at Kassies house I think she gets sick of me. I feel horrible. My parents just ignored me tonight when I came home.

Only because I started moving my shit out of the house. They have become all distant towards me. Which isn't a bad thing....its just ...rude.

I don't know what's going on between me and Andrew and it makes me nervous. It hurts so much to think about him recently that it brings tears of pain to my heart. I don't know what's going on with me. When I see him it feels worse. It feels like Ive been stuck in a cloud of darkness for the longest time and I cant get out. I love this guy and it's hurting me to see him! It doesn't make any sense. I feel like crying all the time and ive started a great case of insomnia. I went 40 some hours with no sleep and then, thank god for Jon I slept at his house for 8. thats all though.I think about weird things lately. Things that normally wouldn't come to my head. I've been more blunt and speak whatever I please. I myself have become a rude person and I dont understand. My brain has this switch that tells me when to be a bitch and that switch, for some reason, happens to be on constantly.

I feel nautious around Andrew lately, only because I get so nervous. They aren't butterflys...I just make myself sick. I have lost my spunk for the summer recently. Like the spunk just disa-fuckin-peared forever.

I have become extremely lonely. I just wanna be held. For a long time. I want..fuck it.

I have started smoking more, drinking more and pretty much being someone I dont wanna be. Im disapointing people. Especially closer friends...im sure of it. However, I just want them to know im disapointing myself as well.

I have brought myself down in ways I never thought I would. I mean..... nevermind.

I hope when I am out of the house on Saturday I can start some kind of a new life. Not completely new... but, new enough.

Jon and Steve-O have become great company for me again this summer. I enjoy them much. I have a feeling we've come to understand one another more. Just like friends and such. I know they are telling me weird things this summer...I will end it there.

I love those kids to death though.

I know this is a long entry already, so if anyone reads thus far they should tell me. I know im not interesting and I am really sorry for that.....moving on.

Recently, there have been people that I can stand and I cant ...for a certain period of time...plus there are people who get me thinking things I shouldnt be thinking and there are poeple I feel extremely uncomfortable around when I know I shouldn't...and there are people who I usually feel uncomfortable around that I feel like I can do whatever around them. It's weird.

I think I have felt relaxed once since Friday. That was last night when I actually fell asleep at Jons. I dont think sleeping on a couch has ever felt so damn good.I owe that kid so much for what hes done for me the last few days.

I baught him a fish! I think he said his name was Garbonzo.

Yeah, see my excitement the last few days...buying Jon a fish...thats almost all I can remember..Ive been so tired...and out of it I can hardly stand it. Exhausted with absolutely nothing but my own mind giving me a constant head-ache. I think I should go try to sleep now. I have to go in early for work tomorrow. Myra wants me there at 10:30.... Hopefully I sleep. Cause I know no one is going to be up at 6:30 in the morning to go to perkins with me again for hot chocolate. ( ;) thank you Jon ) yeah... I told you I owed that kid... Ive gotta go...this entry is way too fucking long.

<3Andrea<3

song listening to/stuck in head:Pearl Jam "Once"