I shouldn't have started crying. I shouldn't even be upset. I don't know why I am. Perhaps just keep thinking about it. That always makes things better right? WRONG! I can't even tell what im thinking except im listening to AFI and im okay. I'm hiding today. Fuck everyone else i'm only answering my phone for 1 person and thats even a maybe. I would be suprised if he even.... nevermind. What is my motherfucking problem?

"All the colors upon leaving all will turn to grey.....greeeeeeey............twisted me. YOU LAND AS LIGHTLY AS THE NEW SNOW!" It just keeps re-playing in my head. It will probably forever.

I don't even know if I have real thoughts anymore. I don't know how I feel. I have become more anti-social than I have been in a long time. Just seeing Tim and Taylor. Not that I don't want to see other people. I guess I just get annoyed easily. Of stupid cocky assholes who feel the whole world revolves around them.

I hope when people read this non of you take it personally i'm not directing any of this to anyone.

I'm gonna take some drugs I think. A bunch of them and go somewhere where no one can find me. Listen to my music, turn off my phone, possibly cry, possibly laugh... you know like im insane? but maybe I need this time. I don't know I have a brain overload and im sure Aderol is gonna make that better. At least I will be social. I almost miss my annoying friends. I almost miss taking care of their drunk and stoned ass' constantly... but that's ALMOST. Until something happens like Friday night and Colin hits on me and wants to vomit all over my car and my boyfriend gets pissed or something. I don't know. My best friend is drunk and stoned and he cant even help me when I need him the most.

That's the way it always has been with Jon. I wan't to talk to him. I think I need to talk to him. Then, he's not around. Lately anyway. Fuck guys.

Damnit. What the hell am I even rambling about? Fuck GIRLS. What the hell is wrong with us? We're all damn emotional and shit and I don't know how to fuckin read myself. I just fuck this entry it all means nothing nothing im just typing words on this screen that has everyone fuckin entranced. I .. ... give up.