well, I know I left on a bad note last time and I am sorry to say that this time I am not doing all that better.

The difference between this time and last time. I think i'm just physically ill not mentally. OK so.. yeh Mentally ill yes... but I am getting over it because I really do believe I can overcome whats going on in my brain.

To start things off I would like to thank everyone for signing my guestbook and thank everyone for saying hello to me or whatnot today in school because I have been gone for a while.

Alright well, Tuesday (10th) I got my wisdom teeth taken out. All four of them. Now, we all know my parents are ass holes but my parents decided not to let me have any drugs. Therefor I am living with this extreme amount of pain. I didnt go to school Tuesday, Wednsday, or Thursday and Today I went home early. All I have eaten within theses last days has been... some pudding the Peter Cook dropped off and a milk shake and some chocolate milk.

I am SO fucking thankful that I have had Andrew these days because my parents could care less if I died. ARGH. Thats a long story I think I shall keep short but if any of you happen to speak to Andrews mom ... she even hates my mom so.... yeh.

I don't like pain and I really dont deal well with it at all as the majority of you know. I am kind of creepy to some people sometimes cause sometimes....I love pain. However, when this pain stops me from kissing my Andrew and even remembering conversations I had with my Andrew or anyone else for that matter, I get upset and it hurts my head.

I have... also decided during this time of being conceeled up at my "home" that I am going back to Rosemount second trimester to see if I can graduate early. To be completely honest, it's too easy for me to completely slack off at SES and if I slack off, I never get anything done. Thats why Im going to go to Rosemount knowing I am smarter than the majority of all the idiots there and be happy when I am finally done with fucking high school.

I have also decided that I am going to try to go to IPR and also get a bartending license because I honestly think being a bartender would be awesome.

I have also realized I need to get out more and have more fun because lets see...the last 3 or four months what or WHO has my life revolved around? That's right A. Andrew B. Michelle and C. Jon

#1~hardly see Andrew as much as people think I do. He works quite a bit.

#2~ Michelle I obviouslly love this girl and I still do want to spend every day with her and have her be my bestest friend and all but lets face it she's got Andy.

#3~Jon could probably care less about me unless I go up to him and be like "JON I GOT SO FUCKING WASTED THIS WEEKEND!!" He works a lot too and although he is my favortie person to talk to because hes an awesome guy, being good friends with him and being a girl means lots of drama comming with it. Yeh, Jon is hot duh. Any girl knows this and thats whats wrong. He'll get another girlfriend and he will once again feel guilty or something for spending time with me. No matter how many conversations we have on my driveway at night looking at the stars or what not...hes Jon and for some reason everyone loves making his life dramatic and I don't want to add to that list.

Dont ask me what I was trying to say about Jon, really words came out here and there but everything I was thinking I wasnt typing fast enough. **breath** Well....

So all and all I have decided to become somone else and truly just let go be happy and see if Andrea ends up lying in the gutter all strung out on crack without Andrew and 5 months pregnant with jordans baby (just a stupid person as an example). Who knows, but ya know what Im not completely stupid with me doing this so I have faith in myself to not lose respect for myself or in others. I love Andrew. I think everyone knows that and I have listened to some things Jon has told me and I live with my father. Which, leads me to really NOT want to be addicted to heroin or crack or anything.

Sure, Why the hell not....smoke some pot once in a while, continue to kill my lungs with cigarettes but, I realize cigarettes are bad for you. Whatever, Pot.. probably makes you a better person depending on how you look at things... Are you fucking addicted and must have 10 bowls a day or can you smoke pot or even drink....every once in a while. Its all good in fun.

I am 17 fucking years old. I hate my parents, I hate my life as it is RIGHT NOW. I love my grandma and I sure as hell love cigarettes and mini donuts. I love Andrew and I hate high school. BUT I am a determined girl and I wont give up. I'm tired of having to deal with wanting to know if I am going to live with my aunt sandy every other weekend and honestly I am REALLY tired of SES giving me homework. I love the fucking school. But IM DONE. I hate high school. I want out. It's time for me to live it up and if no one like the new me than fine.

NO, Im not going to change drasticly or anything. I just have a different mind.

#1 goal on my list though.... GET A JOB.

Until next time...I hope you enjoyed this entry. I hope you all followed it well because you know what. I sure as hell didn't.

Song listening to /stuck in head:Red Hot Chilli Peppers "Aeroplane"